STORY: I DON'T NEED YOUR GOD. PART 7

CHRISTIANA’S POV

   I started going to church three weeks ago and this time, I wasn’t forced to go. I had given my life to Christ a week ago. Daniel and most of his church members were amazing people and they made me ask myself a lot of questions. Why were they so different from the church members I had when I was younger? They were so free and expressive about their love for God. The women made sure I was comfortable and included me in their meetings, they had even planned on visiting but I refused them from it because it might make Daniel and me look bad. When Daniel said he didn’t consider any of them as someone he would want to marry, I was confused because they were good Christian women and he would have a good Christian home but hearing that also stirred up something in me. I liked Daniel more than a friend and I may sound selfish but I didn’t want him to treat anyone else the way he has always treated me. He made me feel special, important, beautiful. The excitement I felt when he was around, the adoration in his eyes every time he looked at me, the pure admiration in his eyes that made me blush every time. I didn’t want him to make anyone feel that way. But I knew I could never be that woman for him, I was broken and I was such a mess plus I wasn’t independent. I couldn’t even stand on my two feet alone. I would never measure up to the woman he needed. He needed a friend, a partner, an adviser, a woman of God, and a lover. I could never be those things but why did I still desire to be with him? What if he turns out to be like my father? The thought of that made me shudder and immediately distracted me from the imaginary romance I would never have.

Every day before Daniel left for work, he would give me a Bible verse to study together and a recording of himself explaining the verse. I always said a short prayer every day before I started then read the verse and I would write down what I understood before listening to his recording. At night, he would hold my hands and pray for me before I slept. Sometimes I would join him during his usual two-hour prayer. I never knew this would be me, the same person who hated God now praying to him. Daniel told me that he didn’t want to give me reasons to love God so I needed to find reasons and he was one of those reasons. I thanked God every day for sending him to me. I realized that even when every other person was in danger, I was safe. God always made sure I was safe. I learned God spoke to people and I was waiting for my turn. I watched videos of pastors preaching, read Christian articles online, and even got some Christian novels from Daniel. I had more and more questions which made me read more and watch more videos. I was learning about God like it was my first time hearing of him and it was exciting.

One day, I was reading a Bible verse, Joshua 1:9, and I understood that God never leaves you so trust him. God never left me even when I hated him, he always found ways to protect me. As I prayed after studying the Bible verse. I heard a clear but foreign voice say “Make peace”. It was a low voice and I opened my eyes to search the room for any other person in the room but it was only me. I heard the voice say the same thing three more times and I knew whose voice I heard. God was speaking to me. I was so overwhelmed that a teardrop fell from my eye. That night, I told Daniel about the voice and he told me that we needed to meet the families of those people who were injured and died during the fire I caused and most importantly, my father. I wasn’t ready and I was scared because I could end up in jail so I prayed that the families would forgive me. Two people died and one person was injured, I didn’t know how the families would take the news but since God said I should do it, I had to do it.

Daniel insisted on going with me and I was grateful that he did. He held my hands and we prayed for courage, the right words, forgiveness from their families and to come back safely. The more distance we covered, the more heart-wracking it felt. I didn’t realize how tightly my hands were clasped together until Daniel tried to slip his left hand in between them as he drove, he glanced at me briefly with furrowed brows. I held his hand in between mine as I smiled a very nervous smile. I had told him the address so he asked for directions as I could not remember clearly. We reached the houses that were burnt by me but they were not the same. Some beautiful houses had been replaced but I knew the families did not stay there anymore so I asked around until I found them. Daniel and I went to the families together and I was glad we did. As I confessed my action to each family, there was outrage from them with looks of disappointment and when I knelt to apologize, Daniel did the same and even offered to help in any way he could. There were so many emotions and I was scared I would end up in jail but finally, there was forgiveness. It was time to meet my father. I wasn’t prepared for it but it didn’t matter. Daniel looked quite nervous as we approached Miss Kola’s house. I knocked on the door and Miss Kola opened the door after a while. She didn’t recognize me at first until she looked closely “Oh, Christy!” She hugged me tightly. She had added some weight and looked quite young but her face had some wrinkles. She introduced herself to Daniel as she led us into the sitting room and told us to sit on the couch. Things had not entirely changed and I was wondering why. If she was married, she would not have to stay here unless she never got married. “How have you been? Where have you been? Your father, he has missed you” she said as she held my hand. “Miss Kola, I know running away after how kind you treated me was infuriating and for that, I’m sorry” I said as she stood to hug me, I stood and hugged her back. “I never knew how harsh your father was until that day but he has changed now. My dear, he is your father and he needed you but I understood you. He is inside his room, let me get something for you and this fine gentleman to drink” she winked at me “Then I’ll get him”. She served us Maltina drink as she went to get my father. In a wheelchair appeared a man who had lost everything including his good eyesight and legs. He looked so thin and very sick. “Christy, my child, you are here. And who is this man? Your husband?” He asked. “No” I replied the same time Daniel replied “Not yet” What did he mean? I needed to focus on why I was there. “Daddy, I came to make peace.” I exhaled as I looked into my father’s eyes. “But I want to know, why were you that way? Did we deserve that treatment?” I asked as tears welled up in my eyes. “Please can we talk alone?” He asked but I refused “No, we cannot. Tell me. You were a pastor whose key mission was to bring people to Christ but you led me, your daughter away from Christ so are you proud of yourself?” I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “I’m not proud of myself, my child. I was a terrible husband and father. I was so filled with pride and demanded respect that I didn’t know I was using the wrong methods and for that, I am sorry. I know I do not deserve your forgiveness but please forgive me. I made a mistake and only realized that when you left” As he spoke, he didn’t look me in the eyes so he lowered his head. “I…I’m so sor..sorry. I know it’s too late but I want to be a father” He continued and then there was silence. He raised his head and his eyes were clouded with tears. I hugged and whispered “I forgive”. “Thank you, very much. Thank you”.

He requested to talk to me in private so Miss Kola and Daniel went out of the house for a while. Daniel gave me a little tap on the shoulder before he walked out. “How have you been?” My dad asked me. “I’m okay. Recently, I realized that God was taking care of me even when I hated him. I’m fine. How are you?” I replied. “I’m fine too. Uh, who is that your man?” “Daddy, he’s my friend and the person who has been everything to me”. “I know I wasn’t a good man but I can definitely spot a good man and he is one. Christiana, I have seen him look at you, he loves you” What was my father saying “Daddy, no…no. He is too good…” I didn’t finish my statement. “I’m sorry for not making you see that you are good enough but don’t let him go. You both already have my blessing. Thank you for your forgiveness, I love you, my child.” He said smiling at me “I love you too and I’ll try to visit often now. But what happened to Miss Kola, did she ever marry?” I was curious. “She never did and she took care of me well. I appreciate her every day” He said and I nodded. We didn’t talk much after that and soon, Daniel and I were ready to go. He formally introduced himself to my father and my dad smiled a mischievous smile at him. We thanked Miss Kola and Daniel gave her some money as a gift. We went to the car and Daniel started driving home. “Daniel” I started as I looked at him, he glanced at me with a smile. “Thank you for everything you do for me” I said “It’s nothing, Christy”. He said as his eyes were still on the road. “No. Daniel, why do you do so much for me?” I asked as I couldn’t shake off what my father said. “Because I love you and I want you to be my wife” He replied and looked at me. The shock on my face was quite evident. Marry him? Me? He could have better women so why me? “Christiana, I want to spend the rest of my life with you”