STORY. I DON'T NEED YOUR GOD. PART 5.

 CHRISTIANA’S POV

  I’ve stayed in his house for over a month now and ever since he promised to tell me I’m beautiful every day, he never failed to say it. Sometimes I would wait for him to tell me that and it made me feel really special, I always wondered why he cared about me. What did he see in me? I had so many questions and I didn’t know how to ask them.

“Are you to going tell me why you were blushing just now?” He asked. I wasn’t even aware he was back from work. “Hey, I didn’t know you were back” “Yeah, you were really deep in thought and blushing. It was a pleasant sight to see” He said, smiling at me. “Daniel, have I ever made you angry to the point of wanting me out of your house?” I asked, I knew I annoyed him a lot when I came. “Well, yes. The first day you came here and the next thing you did was to tear my Bible” He replied. I could remember that so well, he really looked like he was trying to not hurt me. “But why didn’t you do that? Honestly, I didn’t deserve to stay but I always wonder why you still care” I said, he came closer and sat on the couch beside me. “God sent me to you for a reason and I will tell you when the time is right.” What did he mean? “We don’t deserve many things in life but God still provides them for us. You deserved to stay and I’m happy you did” He looked tired. “Please go and eat and rest” I said and he stood up to eat while I just there watching television.

 Since I didn’t go out much, I helped out a lot in the kitchen and went to the market to get groceries often. Staying in the kitchen with the people that said terrible things about me was awkward even after they apologized but again, I didn’t even give them an option to think I wasn’t who they thought I was. I often thought about how Daniel stood up for me after I disappointed him, how could someone be so perfect? I now saw him as someone I would run to for everything and he always had an answer. A young man so wise, so handsome, so perfect.

  At 12:30 a.m., I was tossing and turning on my bed, I couldn’t sleep so I went to the sitting room to watch television but I saw Daniel kneeling down, praying with his hands stretched forward. I sat down and watched him, he wasn’t as confident as he always was and his voice didn’t sound like the cool deep voice he always has. He looked vulnerable, I didn’t recognize this man in front of me. As I watched him, I couldn’t help but remember my father and the next question that popped into my mind was ‘Is he serving the God my father is serving?’. My dad didn’t kneel to pray; he always maintained his cool, and he was always too proud even when praying.

“Lord, I pray for Christiana. I know your plans for her are good and not evil. Let her see you the same way I do” I heard him say that. Did I want to see his God the way he did? He was obsessed with this God and I didn’t want that. After about an hour of just sitting there, watching him and thinking, he was done praying. He was surprised when he saw me looking at him. “Wow, I didn’t realize that I wasn’t alone. How long have you been sitting there?” He asked “About an hour. I heard you say you wanted me to see your God the way you do, I don’t want that” I said, he smiled “I used to think you’ve never heard God but you speak of him like he offended you, like he betrayed you. You have referred to Bible characters in this house and I just realized I don’t know you enough. What made you hate God?” He asked with curious eyes. I was hesitant to speak but I did. I told him about my father and what I did to him, I expected him to judge me but he didn’t, he hugged me. “I’m sorry you had to go through this” his voice was calm and comforting. “You see, God has favorites and unfortunately, I am not one of them” I said with tears rolling down my eyes. “God's plans are for good, never for evil. Maybe he took your mum to protect her from the evil of this world” He replied “Then he should have taken me too. Why did he let us suffer? Was it my plan to suffer? Daniel, every day I begged him to help us, I cried every single night. What did we do to deserve the heartbreak we got? A pastor made me stop believing in God, he made me hate God. If God’s plans are really for good, he would have stopped my father from being a terrible person” The more I said these words, the angrier I was at God. As a little child, I loved him and believed in him. I was told he was my only help but when I called for his help, he left me alone. “We can never question him…” He spoke but I cut in “Well I am questioning him. Why did you let me suffer, God?! My mother loved you, I loved you but I guess you didn’t love us back” I saw a tear drop fall from Daniel’s eye. “He loves Christiana. I never told you how I found you. It wasn’t a coincidence; I wasn’t there to eat but for you. I was there for you because God revealed to me in a dream that you were in danger so he sent me to you. He is the reason I went back to you to convince you to stay with me, he didn’t let me leave that place because you were unsafe. If not for him, I would never have met you. That’s how I knew your name even when you lied to me. And I’m sorry…” His voice cracked, tears were flowing from his eyes now “I’m sorry that your father was not the perfect example but look at me, look at the Christians that are good examples. People who actually strive to be like Christ no matter what, are we not proof of how good God is? Every single thing that happens is for a reason, whether good or bad. Christiana, I strive to live like Christ every day and if you don’t see it then I’m not doing enough. Everyone will answer for his actions on Judgement Day including your father. To be a Christian is not easy but it is worth it and struggles will come like the one you had but it will make you stronger. You are a brave and strong woman that God wants to use” He said as I just sat trying to take it all in. Daniel was a good Christian, if my father was like him maybe I would have wanted to know God better “If he uses me, what do I get?” I asked “His blessings. Christiana, God will fight for you no matter how long it takes, but you must let him do it. A thousand years is like a day for him. Please let him in and leave your burdens, anger, and sadness with him” Daniel said. How long does one have to suffer before he fights back? I stood up and walked to my room to think. I now wanted to believe in God again but I was scared of what I would have to endure, what I would suffer before he fights for me.